I am not your Aristo

So this girl I was toasting for a year finally said “Yes” and I had danced shaku shaku with a wave of azonto and a bend of shoki in my living room like I had just won the American lottery.

“She said Yes,” was on both my Whatsapp and insta-story and I had received a lot of congratulatory messages all round my social media.

“Can’t a guy feel himself a little? It is not easy nah.”

I had stalked her on her various social media account for over a year and had slid into her DM many times but all I got was the big fat NO.

“Wasn’t a big ‘YES’ worth celebrating?”

She was a fine species; skin like the morning sun, face like a beauty queen and her backside was a better version of Juliet Ibrahim’s.

So last night, she texted me: “Happy one-day anniversary love?”

“Oh! Happy anniversary baby,” I texted her back.

“So where are you taking me out tomorrow?” Her message flashed on my phone. Taking out kwa.

“Where ever you want baby,” I texted her back.

So to mark our one day anniversary we went to a Chinese restaurant. I am not a fan of Chinese food so it wasn’t my idea at all. This girl started ordering Chinese food like there was no tomorrow — Chinese soup, Chinese rice, Chinese meat, Chinese’s assorted and my eyes bulged out with “WTF…”

“Babe I thought you were a model?”

So when it was time to pay, my wallet got empty on the first receipt and I had to drop my phone, my wristwatch, and my shoes to offset the bill.

“You are so romantic baby,” she smiled at me.

So the next day she texted me again: “baby today is our second day anniversary oh, ShopRite Issa goal,” and I texted back: “baby I have running stomach, you know my stomach is not good with Chinese food…”

And she replied with the ‘sad emoji’: “Get well soon.”

So I got well soon in a week time and we went out on a date at the Chicken Republic. I took only a bottle of coke while she took fried rice and chicken and salad and I didn’t say anything.

When it was time to pay, I searched my pockets for about five minutes before staring into the judging face of the waiter: “I forgot my wallet.”

“You can do a transfer with your phone,” she said and I replied that instant: “Babe I forgot my phone too.”

So they took her iPhone this time and she looked me straight into my eyes and said: “it is over between us.”

So I want to ask: should I cry or should I be celebrating?